I got back from work about an hour ago. Had a lousy day. My senior was extremely frustrated with me because my bloody brain refused to understand a single word of what he was saying. It does that sometimes.
My brain has its good days and terribly bad days. Good days are those when it can look past petty issues and keep racking till it gets something done. Bad days are those when it refuses to understand anything of what is happening even it might be the most simple thing on earth which any normal human being can understand. People talk about good hair days and bad hair days. I have my good and bad Brain days. Then there are those Brain dead days when the intelligent, comprehensive and sensible part of the Brain is nowhere to be found.
How do people go on with every single day of their life being completely sensible, normal and unperturbed is a mystery to me.(It is for real, I see it all the time)A real fucking mystery.All I want to do right now is to curl up in bed and hopelessly pray that time will stop and cease to run for a long long time.
Anyway, the sooner I snap out of this school era like fantasy, the better it is. I'd better skip to more grown up things like life,love, goals, dreams etc.
Except that I have none of those. I have nightmares instead that wake me up every single day at 4:37 am in the morning. Then I wake up and think to myself "Oh I have just another hour more to sleep so make the most of it"! Then I don't because I spend the next one hour in an anxious subconscious state of mind fretting over the fact that I don't have much time till I wake up. Yeah, not much has changed since I was 10.
Then I go about things in a zombie like manner till I get on to my train and rush to work. It's such a mechanical way of doing everything. One day I shall take you through my day in detail. It's very boring and very mundane. However, it makes for good entertainment in bits and pieces.
I should retire to bed now. Give the mangled mess inside what it starts dreaming of from the very moment it wakes up in the morning. Sleep.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Backlog Stress
I haven't written in ages. The reason primarily being I have been very productive and constructive at work and haven't wasted any time doing other mundane things. (I am not implying Blogging here by the way)
Then I'd think to myself that I will write over the weekend when I have absolutely no work to do and creative ideas will flow through my veins like blood and make its way through to the tips of my fingers which will then be in contact with the keyboard and ultimately appear as this wonderful blog post. Well I know now for sure that that never happens.
So today. Which is the end of my wasted weekend, I sit here two hours before my pre-planned bed time to finally get something out of my system.
Before I go on, I would like to announce the news about me discontinuing writing here from now on. Simply because I revealed too much about my workplace and my co-workers' names and also passing on this information to other fellow colleagues. So I no longer can pretend to be an exciting and mysterious blogger who writes about obviously unnecessary things about people. That's also why I haven't been able to write.
Apart from that I also introduced some family members to this blog before I could even blossom into a witty, interesting and entertaining writer.
So that explains the shift.
Today I have had this innate, unbearable desire to get the fuck out of here and do something that doesn't involve spending 60 hours of work in the week glued to a seat, racking my brains to come up with one innovative and creative idea after another. I love my job. I really do. Sometimes though. Okay, most times I just wish I was working this hard in another city in another part of the world which is not as crowded and not as noisy. Where for a piece of peace and quiet, I didn't have to pay an exorbitant amount in a coffee shop. Where if I chose to go out for a walk, I didn't have to dread bumping into a million people on the way. Have my head saturated with a zillion sounds of automobiles and people fighting and yelling which mix ever so well with my own thoughts that I can't tell this from that.
I shouldn't be complaining and whining like the dog outside my building who sits quietly under a car and keeps howling. I love that dog though. It's like a budding, crooning Jeff Buckley waiting to be released.(No offense to you Sir, I absolutely love you) I mean I have everything one could possibly want or need. A great job, a decent house with a cozy room to myself, parents who are supportive and understanding, friends who I spend lots of time talking to on the phone and food, clothing etc. However, since I can't get everything I want or dream of the least I can do is complain right?
Yeah, whine on.
Then I'd think to myself that I will write over the weekend when I have absolutely no work to do and creative ideas will flow through my veins like blood and make its way through to the tips of my fingers which will then be in contact with the keyboard and ultimately appear as this wonderful blog post. Well I know now for sure that that never happens.
So today. Which is the end of my wasted weekend, I sit here two hours before my pre-planned bed time to finally get something out of my system.
Before I go on, I would like to announce the news about me discontinuing writing here from now on. Simply because I revealed too much about my workplace and my co-workers' names and also passing on this information to other fellow colleagues. So I no longer can pretend to be an exciting and mysterious blogger who writes about obviously unnecessary things about people. That's also why I haven't been able to write.
Apart from that I also introduced some family members to this blog before I could even blossom into a witty, interesting and entertaining writer.
So that explains the shift.
Today I have had this innate, unbearable desire to get the fuck out of here and do something that doesn't involve spending 60 hours of work in the week glued to a seat, racking my brains to come up with one innovative and creative idea after another. I love my job. I really do. Sometimes though. Okay, most times I just wish I was working this hard in another city in another part of the world which is not as crowded and not as noisy. Where for a piece of peace and quiet, I didn't have to pay an exorbitant amount in a coffee shop. Where if I chose to go out for a walk, I didn't have to dread bumping into a million people on the way. Have my head saturated with a zillion sounds of automobiles and people fighting and yelling which mix ever so well with my own thoughts that I can't tell this from that.
I shouldn't be complaining and whining like the dog outside my building who sits quietly under a car and keeps howling. I love that dog though. It's like a budding, crooning Jeff Buckley waiting to be released.(No offense to you Sir, I absolutely love you) I mean I have everything one could possibly want or need. A great job, a decent house with a cozy room to myself, parents who are supportive and understanding, friends who I spend lots of time talking to on the phone and food, clothing etc. However, since I can't get everything I want or dream of the least I can do is complain right?
Yeah, whine on.
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